Baby #4

Little baby feet are so cute - even in utero! Baby girl coming in February. Any name suggestions?

School Pictures 2013

Older does not equal easier

I just wanted to drone on about old age. I am not old per se - 41 - but I always thought that when you got older, life would get easier. I have found, especially in the last few years, that life has gotten much more difficult. I don't feel as agile and so physical activities are slightly painful. My body has developed food intolerances which makes eating no fun. I can't remember things very well. I have developed social anxiety and so making friends or even being around other people is stressful. All this is new in my life. I thought when I was in my 40's I would have perfected cooking, parenting, friendships, gospel knowledge, etc. Goodness knows I have had enough time to practice it. It is so discouraging that none of it is perfect, and in fact is regressing from previous levels of accomplishment. In my observation of older people (well, older than me) I don't notice these things. I have noticed the memory thing and the body aches but the food intolerances? The social problems? I am not prepared to deal with them. I could never understand my mother's phobia of making phone calls. I made a million phone calls a day in my working career. Now if I can't text someone I panic to actually have to talk to them on the phone. I am scared of being judged. Maybe its a sign of low self esteem. Wait - wasn't I supposed to leave that behind in my teens? What is it doing popping up in my life now?

Unhappiness

What do you do when you are unhappy? Something that doesn't require food? Something that doesn't require a babysitter? I really don't know how to get out of the funk I'm in.